“Lizasala likubona bobhoyi.”
“Wena uyabe sowayanga Matshax?”
“Kodliwampondo, lizangikhumbula bafanabami.”
For as long as I can remember, my grandmother always promised us that she would one day leave this earth and we’d all miss her when she was gone. Everyone I know always laughed when she started with her theatrics, most of which she would put on to guilt trip us, we’d always point out how everyone else had already passed away and she was still around so we wouldn’t fall for her antics. I know we all live to die but I was just not ready for today, waking up at 06:53am to my mother’s call telling me that ugogo had passed away. I was in a state of trance for a while, I was numb and then the first wave of grief hit me and I started to cry and then I stopped and felt myself drifting away to memories of the past.
We used to call each other “mbulumakhasane”, if you’ve met me before I’m sure you’d understand why and well she was a bit more extra than I am. My gran was old fashioned in a cute way, when visiting her you needed to make sure that whatever it is you were wearing was “appropriate”, she would have preferred to see the ladies in dresses that covered the knees all the time. It took her a while to accept that we loved to wear jeans and trouser pants, I remember the first time she saw me in ripped jeans, she shook her head in this funny way she always did to signal disapproval. When we were done with greetings she called me to her side and as I sat next to her, she “secretly” started to pinch my thighs whilst whispering that that type of dressing was not acceptable, she finally got used to it though.
Not only was she strict about dressing, how you spoke to people, especially your elders was one of the things she was most particular about. My dad once brought home chocolates and wines and I started cheering him by saying, “uyiskhokho daddy uyinja, my top dog”. My ears almost fell off from the earful I got on that day. Even when I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t insulting my dad but praising him she refused to accept it and plainly told me there were other ways but definitely not that. It was my dad’s birthday on the 7th of June and I told him that “uyinja”, I wonder how she would have reacted if she had heard me.
I’m certain of one thing, after covid19 passes and we have family functions, a lot of us will feel the impact of her loss for a moment before we go on to enjoy whatever the celebration is for. The funny thing is that it will be because of the one thing that made most of us not want to go to functions with her for. She was a fussy eater, and I don’t mean your typical no I don’t like it but I’ll eat it type of fuss, no, she would refuse to eat until you served her what she ate. The number of times you’d have to dish up for her at a function would have probably left people thinking the food was yours and you were just trying to get as many plates as possible but the truth is until you got it right she just would not eat.
I last saw her in March, I’m glad she got to hold and see my son even though it took her a while to understand that he was mine(dementia). Before that visit, we had shared many calls, with her begging me to come see her and I remember this one time when I was 7 months pregnant and she was not doing well we ended up crying together on the phone and I told her that God would keep her alive and well and she’d get to see me and her great grandson, I’m thankful that she did, the rest of the call was her telling me about what do and what to avoid so I’d have an easy delivery.
Today has been a hard day. I cry and then start smiling and then I start crying again and the cycle goes on, I even have a splitting headache now. Someone had already sent me a message before my mom had even called to tell us the news, and the way his message was phrased was just plain rude and insensitive (unless you are family, learn to respect information pertaining to death, you do not know the kind of relationship between the person who has passed on and the person you’re appointing yourself to inform. Even my mother sent a message to my husband first because she was scared of how I’d react. So please learn to be sensitive in future.)
The most painful part about the loss of my gran is that, after my grandfather passed away in 2017 she’d always say that when she finally went to join him there wouldn’t be too many people at her funeral and it would be as grand as my grandpa’s because according to her we loved umkhulu more than her. Now due to covid19, we can’t travel to lay her to rest and I know that is what is hurting so many of my relatives.
To her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and friends I hope and pray that where ever you are, you find comfort in knowing that she is at rest and is in pain no more. I hope we all survive this pandemic and get to meet again, celebrate her life and share stories of uMaTshax, I know she’ll be looking down on us next to the love of her life, shaking her head when we make fun of how strict she was and smiling when she sees how much we loved her and how most of us are thankful for her prayers and if you are like me for being the one who taught you how to pray.
Rest in peace gogo, MaTshabalala, Matshax. Ngiyakuthanda mbulumakhasane, phumula ntomb’ endala.
Novelty Ink 