Speak it into existence!

There is a certain kind of joy that comes with attaining something you never thought you could, especially when even the universe kept screaming “ IMPOSSIBLE” every time you dared to dream. For as long as I can remember, I had always had terrible period pains, lasting for 2 months if they pleased or not coming at all for even 6 months. “Endometriosis”, that’s what the number of doctors I consulted said it was.

The symptoms for this condition usually include, pain in your lower back, pain during sex, abnormally heavy and irregular menstruation and infertility. Well in my case these were the symptoms, others may have different types of symptoms. Anyway, in 2016 it got really bad and for the years to follow I was going to be a regular in the hospital wards of whatever city I was in whenever the lady in red decided to grace me with her presence.

My husband and I started off as friends, for over a year we were actually cyber friends until we eventually met in late 2017. Every time I landed in hospital the doctors would make sure to remind me that my chances of conceiving were slim to none so when we started dating I made sure to get that conversation out of the way. But there was a time I also wanted to be a mom, sing and dance with my babies, go shopping and marvel at each first.

Instead of hoping for a miracle, I shut off the idea and told my then boyfriend, now husband that I DO NOT WANT KIDS!!! I don’t handle disappointment well; so instead of getting my hopes up I chose not to even dream of it.

And then it happened. There was blood all over the white bathroom tiles and I was lying in that crime scene looking crimson pool, unconscious and menstrual cup in hand. I had fainted whilst changing my cup. Thankfully, he was there, and when he heard the thud he came running. I don’t remember much but when I finally came to I was in bed, cleaned up and changed.

The second time it was really severe I wasn’t so lucky. I was alone and the pain got out of hand around 2300hrs. I called my parents and in turn they called my boss cause they were in Bulawayo whilst I was in Gweru and my boyfriend was in Harare. When my boss and his wife finally arrived, a trail of blood ran from my bedroom all the way to the veranda where they found me trying to crawl to the neighbour’s door to ask them for help.

The doctor did not sugar coat it, if this kept on happening he’d be forced to operate and that would definitely demolish what little chance I had to get pregnant because I’d end up dead. I wanted to break up with my boyfriend, he had said from the beginning, after I had told him about the endometriosis, that he didn’t care if we had kids or not and he had made peace with it and after what he had seen me go through he was on the doctor’s side, according to him, kids would be an added bonus because he was content.

Needless to say, we went from being in a relationship to being married. On many nights I sat cuddled in his embrace with tears streaming down my face. He’d tell me that it was okay, but if you have ever seen my husband with kids then you know how much he loves and adores them and I felt like I was robbing him of something great even if he said it was not a big deal.

My sister Martha called me one day as I was in my third week of bleeding. She said she had had a dream and in it I was pregnant and she wanted to be my prayer partner until it came to pass. In the state I was in, it was hard to believe to even believe it but I didn’t have anything to lose so we started to pray, she’d send me scriptures every day and we’d fast on certain days. After 2 months my period had seemingly regularized and was less painful until it eventually stopped for 3 months, I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms and when I took the pregnancy test it came back negative so I guessed it was my endometriosis again.

I did not stop praying, nor did I stop believing. I’d exclaim, “my ovaries are excited”, each time I saw a baby picture or video that I considered to be cute. I’d post something like, “ndihalela ukumitha” (I’m craving being pregnant), and people would assume I was just being “50 shades of crazy”, as usual. Instead I was speaking it into existence, my husband taught me the power of the tongue and each night after we prayed I’d tell him all about the fun things we’d do with the kids and we’d laugh at the thought of how we’d react to each scenario.

On my birthday, May 13 2019, I was feeling really tired and had a running tummy. My friend, whom I consider a sister and call Crush, Samke, sent me a birthday message via voice recording. She prayed for me. Do you know that song that says:

“Somebody, somewhere is praying for you, asking the Lord to carry you through”?

Well, after that prayer I felt my heart being warmed and moved, I cried. I had never met her in person but she had given me such a beautiful birthday gift and I don’t think she was aware of just how much it meant to me and she didn’t even know what I was going through or praying for which made her prayer even more beautiful. My husband and I had decided we’d go to the hospital the following day if I was still not feeling better and yet in that moment, something urged me get out of bed, bath and get into town. Once in town I headed straight to the pharmacy and bought 2 pregnancy test kits and headed back home.

On my 26th birthday I received the greatest gift, I found out I was pregnant, and when my husband came home and I handed him the test he had a stupid grin on his face that I will never forget. I learned to speak my heart’s desires into existence, and even with all the complications I experienced during my pregnancy I simply kept the faith and did not even allow worry to be a part of my portion.

I don’t know what you want or what you’re praying for, but I urge you to start speaking it into existence for the tongue is a very powerful tool. I am now a mom, and each time someone asks me how it feels, I have to draw a lot of strength not to cry as I try but fail to find the words to explain the joy I have from being a mom and instead I simply say being a mother is a beautiful experience.