The burden of beauty

I wonder if they know about the burden of beauty!
Do they know?
How each day begins with a waterfall
And ends with rivers flowing?
Because of that favourite uninvited guest called MEMORY!
With every sunrise and sunset
SHE comes to remind me about THE BURDEN OF BEAUTY.

SHE is like clockwork I tell you.
Many a clock I have smashed,
But SHE, I have failed to destroy!
Lord knows I’ve tried.
But I am scared to open my eyes at dawn; because SHE is the first person I have a conversation with each day.

Morning conversations with HER tear me apart!
I am afraid to close my eyes at night, I do not want to fall asleep,
SHE has even found HER way into my dreams!
They say there is no rest for the wicked!
But; there is no rest for the beautiful
Beauty is wicked!
You see, beauty loves to portray an image people envy,
But no one knows about the burden of Beauty!

Do they know?
How much makeup I buy,
Not for my face, but to cover up the scars on my wrists?
How Beauty torments me until I am left trembling with a blade in my hand and I want to end it all?
How my own blood is like water to me for I see it every day?
How hard it is not to open a pill jar and just make it all go away?
How I lost my best friend because having I as a friend was a burden in her life?
How many times I have lost the “love of my life” because loving me was a burden unto them.
How the only time I fast and pray is when I am begging the Lord to take Her away
For verily She is a load I cannot bear!
When are You going to lighten up my heavy load Lord?

I hide behind the tears of a clown,
Beauty has stolen everything from me!
She took away my innocence.
Beauty, I was too young.
Sadly beautiful how You gave me the brightest smile.
Sad; for who could ever believe the horrors that such a smile hides.
Beautiful; for such a smile hides it well.

Beauty, do they know that

I am going to kill myself because of you?

Maybe; not today or tomorrow,

But one day?

Do they know that,

Because of you I have been ready to die for the longest time?

I woke up this morning

And as my eyelids parted

I caught a glimpse of my favourite uninvited guest standing by the door with a smile on HER face.

I woke up this morning and THE BURDEN OF BEAUTY was too much for me to bear.

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes,

I woke up this morning with a blade to my wrist,

I woke up this morning and I wanted to die,

I woke up this morning and I wanted to kill myself ,

I woke up this morning and I wanted to end it all,

And it is all because of,

THE BURDEN OF BEAUTY